Wednesday, October 5, 2011

So over Target...

So over the Target era of America.  I swear every time I walk into a Target, Costco, or Babies R Us, I get a massive headache or nearly faint in a lightheaded dizzy blur.  I never go (anywhere really) without a very specific list of what we actually need, which would only require a little carry basket, but of course shopping with a toddler I need to grab a cart to give my weary arms a break.  What sucks about the new Target oversized carts is that my Boppy cover for Che no longer even fits over it because the damn carts are too wide!  Of course, Target does that to get you to buy more, but the baby industry hasn’t yet caught up with the trend and all the “universally sized” items are way too small for the ever-expanding Target era of America.
So I wipe down the entire cart with the complimentary antibacterial wipes upon entering Target before I put Che in sans Boppy.  Then after I get him in, I realize I picked the cart with the locked wheels and can’t even turn the damn thing.  Not having a clue how to fix it, I’d rather just get another stupid cart and hope this one works before I again wipe the whole thing down with antiseptic.  Finally, one that turns, so I proceed with my antibacterial ritual and switch Che from one cart to the next.  On my way.  With my list in hand, or in Che’s hands, I find my way to only specific sections where I know my necessities are located, but on the way Che calls out every airplane (a-doh), truck (chuck), and car (car) in sight.  If he can manage to get his hands on one because of my poor steering abilities (those thing are heavy and massive!), then I know I’m going to have a meltdown at check-out for not getting it.  Fortunately, right now those only last until we get out the door, but the elephant tears are heartbreaking and guilt-wrenching.  Mantra: “Che has zillions of “chucks” at home, he doesn’t need another one.  Good mommy.” 
On the mommy end, of course I also pass all the cheap n’ chic accessories and (disposable) garments.  Mantra: “Look away Pea.  Not worth it, you pay for what you get” .  When you buy the cheap three-wear disposable Target garments, realize that they carry garments that are relevant to short-term trends, rather than lifelong classics.  I’m more of a classic garment wearer, with a few trendy pieces, but definitely not to keep up with the current season.  Besides, I’d rather spend more somewhere else and at least have it last a couple of years.  I finally got my husband to jump on that bandwagon too.  I recently noticed his ebay “watch list” includes items from Burberry, Lacoste, and Ralph Lauren.  Good boy Pea gets to do the same.  I just don’t spend the time to find it on eBay.  I’d rather just open the Ideeli, Rue La La, and Gilt Group emails I get daily and buy it on sale there.  Quite more of an impulse buy, but it’s quality and it lasts.  Worth every penny.  (Just don’t tell husband that “sale” means a Marc Jacobs bag for $350 instead of $650.)  :-)
Target, Costco, etc. are designed to make you feel like you need all their junk, that you are less-than because you don’t buy it.  I hate when I come home with more than was on my original list because I’ve succumbed to the one thing that Target is trying to do - get me to buy more.  I wish I had “Target armor” so that when I shop I can stick to my guns (list) and ignore the rest.  It’s the same with my baby registry, which I’m doing on and Buy Buy Baby.  (Look at that name...”buy, buy”!).  They have these checklists where you are forced to consider the lame thing that you’ll never use: bottle warmer, wipe warmer, bottle drying rack, bouncer and swing (rather than just one or the other), etc.  I found a handy little website on "Must Haves and Must Nots" on which dispels myths of those baby registry items.  Here it is.  I recommend reading it before you start yours if that’s what you find yourself doing currently.  I’m a minimalist and I’ve been trained (by my husband) to hate spending money so my registry is the bare minimum, though my husband talked me into the wipe warmer explaining that he’d rather have a warm wipe for his winkie and bumbum than a cold one.  Same goes for Che and Finn.
Rachel Zoe Audrey Platform BootiesNow as I finish this and carry on with my day, I look at my emails and see “fall must have” lists from Pottery Barn, West Elm, Gap, Banana Republic, Neiman Marcus, Saks, and Nordstrom, all sent to me to get me to buy more.  Leave me alone people!  I am not made of money and Lord knows I’m a sucker!  My husband will kill me if I buy you all.  The voices of cute bags and boots; adorable Halloween stuff for Che; and warm, holiday-atmosphere creating decor for house, shut up and let me save my money for my kids’ college funds.  I don’t have to have you!  Oh but the new Rachel Zoe Audrey boots (black suede with 3” platform heel) would make my prego body look so much taller and leaner.  Looooovvvvvvve.  $395?  What can I sacrifice this month for those?  How do I hide them and the bank statement from Mowgli?  Credit card!  Besides, if I use the debit card, my stupid bank will charge me.  :-)

I’m a sucker.  Better to stay at home, keep emails closed, and keep the world of advertising outside.  Stop making me buy you! 

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