I think in many ways, I have lived part of my life backwards. My husband and I got three dogs before having a house and kids. (Imagine trying to find a rental with a 105lb rottweiler, a pit bull, and a min pin. Donated the dogs to the inlaws...problem solved.) ;-) We never took a honeymoon and now are trying to do so before the lockdown comes after number two is born. (But how on earth do you visit Paris at 6 months pregnant, fat as can be in the fashion capital and not drink WINE or eat BRIE?!) And now here I'm about to have baby #2 and I still don't feel as if I've lived yet.
Sure, I've done what Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)" told me to do. Lived in NYC once, but left before I got hard. Lived in northern California once, and left (the first time) before I got soft and moved to LA. Now that it's the second time, am I in for a double whammy of softness? Am I truly going to become one of those south bay moms that puts all their event planning skills into coordinating play dates? Or worse, a wannabe foodie that tastes tests way too much at farmer's markets only to find all their "skills" go right to their growing butt and thunder thighs?
Fortunately, today I had a bit of a reality check with a fellow mom-to-be of two who equated my freak-out to pregnancy hormones. She claimed she went through the same phase of terror when realizing how her life would end once number two came and even admitted that she dreamed of postnatal botox injections and implants to bounce back. The problem is I don't know if she came to terms with it or decided that it wasn't really going to end. (I should definitely ask her.) I think about those multi-tasking moms like Angelina Jolie, Heidi Klum, or Victoria Beckham who are still gorgeous and successful, and yet amazing moms. However, then I remember that their success came well before their kids did. Therein lies my problem. I lived life backwards.
But no, this is no "woe is me", as my husband likes to say, I just need to figure out how I'm going to be supermom and do it all at the same time. Oh yes, of course, and find a way to neutralize the guilt I'll have (or guilt trip I'll get from others) because I'm trying to live my life and refuse to put myself by the wayside for the sake of my children. Yes I am a good mom, very good, I'm a virgo for chrissakes, it's in my stars to strive to be the best. But that also includes everything else too and I'm included. I've got way too much living left to do and yes of course, I still want to be famous. I always have. Is that pathetic? Probably. Maybe I'll just have 10 more kids and beat out OctoMom.
So for all you moms of two (or three or four or five), please put my anxiety to rest and tell me that I can still have my cake and eat it too! Already, I'm slightly PO'ed at my husband for knocking me up again. I know my feet are for sure, (swollen, sore, hideous...well beyond pedicure remedy). For now, I'll just keep telling myself this is just a hormonal phase.
On a side note, if you have any advice whatsoever about raising two kids, please share. I need it. And when the time comes I'll pay it forward and look back on this and laugh. And on another note....how the heck do you look decent in your late second and third trimesters with a toddler running around? I live in a tshirt, sweatpants, pony tails, and dark rings under my eyes. Please share! Style tips for busy moms? (So far, I've only got my nails down with Jessica gel nails. I could kiss the man or woman who invented that. They had us crazy moms in mind on that one!) Fashion tips for the swollen? Meditation tips for the internal madness? I'll even trade someone to come shopping with me (or go for me) for a style makeover and I'll babysit the kids. Come together gals. Dish out your secrets. This mama needs some serious HELP! I'm taking desperate measures and dying my hair red this weekend. Please STOP me if you really think I shouldn't. I welcome brutal honesty.
Is this maybe an early midlife crisis?
Oh shit, my toddler is running around naked with his poopie diaper in hands...nice.