Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Penises vs. Charlie's Angels

My motto is: "Fake it till you make it." And I like to pretend to have a penis or be a Charlie's Angel.

I apologize to those of you who might be offended by my choice of words for the title of this posting. However if you were a shameless Friends fan like myself, (I'm totally a Monica, with a wee bit of Rachel), you might remember one of Phoebe's lines when she successfully completed a household chore typically done by men (prego brain can't remember what at the moment). As soon as she finished, she said, "I think I'm ready for my penis now." Amazing. This line more than all others, I have adopted and used on several occasions when I feel that I've accomplished something just as well or better than something that a man would do. It's an honest thing to say and definitely gets the point across that women are just as tough and capable as men (and no you don't have to have a penis). I definitely have a side to me that seeks to accomplish certain things that most women wouldn't normally do, just because I can. It gets really crazy at home sometimes because I have certainly brought this into my marriage and Mowgli and I can be very competitive at times.

Now let me first explain what kind of a man my husband is. Despite what I said earlier about our current life transition and role reversal (me as SAHM and him as the working man), my husband is one tough cookie. At 5'8" and 145lbs, my husband is the leanest and meanest Native American guy there is. I've never dated anyone tougher than him and absolutely LOVE that about him. To watch him box or spar or go nuts on the speed bag is seriously the sexiest thing in the world and it keeps me hooked because God knows we have gone through our share of trouble. And for people like us, it's utterly essential that we work out to get it out of our system. It becomes more about getting rid of excess energy by working it out in the toughest way possible than keeping our bodies in top shape, though of course we never admit that and claim to work out to stay in shape, more like keep our emotional status in shape. I think our relationship was the healthiest when we were boxing together, I mean each other. I highly recommend it, rather than throwing your money away in couple's counseling. For us, talking can actually make things worse.

We used to box at our gym, Crunch on Lafayette Street, in New York City, and in a typically New York way, sometimes at 1, 2, or 3 in the morning since that Crunch was open 24hrs. Mowgli used to wrap my tiny little hands in professional boxing wraps around and around, and then throw the gloves on me and show me the proper way to box. Not only that but he would take me through his old professional boxing and wrestling days workouts doing crazy situps and pushups that as a figure skater, I NEVER did. I never looked more cut in my entire life. In a way, I think I was born to box. What a rush of testosterone and power, it's amazing, not to mention a fantastic way to take care of any frustration or latent anger that might be lingering from the day... or the relationship. One time, Mowgli even told me to punch him in the face. At first, I was afraid, but he encouraged me and I think even said something that really pissed me off, so I threw back my arm and socked him with a right jab...POW!...which made him stumble back just a bit. I felt horrible afterward and couldn't believe how freaking HARD his face was, but secretly, I felt insanely powerful. Right there, let me say that I do not believe in violence, but in a boxing setting where you are encouraged to punch as hard as you can, it's quite liberating and feels AMAZING!

I think that since I have been training as a competitive figure skater for the better part of 20 years that I have it in my blood to train hard. Not only that, but I was raised around hockey players with my brother playing on the top prep school hockey team in Connecticut right alongside the famous hockey king, Chris Drury. Watching my brother's team warm up to AC/DC Thunderstruck or Van Halen's Right Now and seeing how the guys got their testosterone in a tizzy ready for the game, really planted a seed in me. For some reason, I seriously think I have a major testosterone thing going. Certain super masculine songs by Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Rush, Ted Nugent, or similar totally get my blood pumping in any setting; it's as if it wakes up the testosterone in me. When I'm working out, I get into super strength mode and put this fierceness in my overall being, including my face. Imagine Zoolander's blue steel, only angrier. If you knew me, a Gwyneth look-alike (only half her height, and probably the same weight), white girl with pale skin and a round face that barely looks a day above 20 (though I'm 31), it would be the most hilarious thing to look at. I don't care. I like to be fierce. I like to have guns (bicep muscles). Do you? Are you willing to be that honest with yourself that at times you just love to harness your masculine power and walk around like you own the place or work out as if you are Rocky? Cuz that's how I envision myself sometimes. Love it.

When Charlie's Angels first came out (I was born in 1980 so yes I'm referring to the Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu version, not the original), I fell in love. Finally, I could package up my testosterone, add a little French girl style and sex appeal, and some Bruce Lee moves, and there you have it - Charlie's Angels. Gone was the tomboy out of me forever because now in my power mode, I imagined myself as a Charlie's Angel. If they came out with a third, I would hook up with my girlfriend Szilvia (coolest Drew Barrymore stunt double and adventurer I know), and have her train me and introduce me to whomever I needed to meet to be in that movie. Tight black leather pants, 4 inch heels, corset top, and long sexy hair, yep, that's me ready for a Charlie's Angel movie. Haha....riiiight. No, believe me I'm not proclaiming to be anywhere near that sexy looking, however I sure would love it if I was and I LOVE to pretend that I am, even in my current 5mo pregnant state. I still work out that way. People at our Athletic Club must think I'm insane or at least get a laugh out of the fierce prego mama working out to Ted Nugent and doing pushups like Bruce Lee.

Ladies, if you are a tomboy, good for you. Embrace it. All I ask is that you avoid the butch look and aim straight for the Charlie's Angel. Even if you don't got it, fake it till you make it. That's my motto. Go get your black leather pants and your kick ass heels. Let your hair long and let it fly. Go ahead and be fierce, embrace your power. Use it (but certainly don't abuse it). There's no reason why us ladies can't be tough and kick some ass. Try a kickboxing class, karate, or straight up boxing. You might love how you feel, even get addicted to it. Just a few months into it, you might even look like a Charlie's Angel. More than anything, have a little FUN with your sex appeal. Get FIERCE!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the inspiration, now I'm off for a sunset run! I need some new exercise music, could you share some of your favorite playlists? If only I'd uploaded from you before you moved...